Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
