You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
