Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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