loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
