ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize