I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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