You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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