I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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