He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
