Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
...so i touched it.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I did not marry a roomba.
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