im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
