He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize