I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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