I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
