you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
