dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
