please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
