nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
