I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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