I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
