Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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