Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
