Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
