I puked a lego.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize