plz talk dirty to me
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I love you. Go after that dick
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