I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
