I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
