I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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