MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
