Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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