i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
