i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
