I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
