Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
