just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
