Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
