some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
