I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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