I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
