Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
