so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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