Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
