doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
