There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Let's get the cat blown out
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize