Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
No subtext here. People are naked.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
