And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
It's just like the Real World with babies
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
