Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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