I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
