why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
