I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
