And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
