Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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