he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Is Oprah even human
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
