you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
