normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
