funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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