in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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