he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
