I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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