I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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