3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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