Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
