Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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