i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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