i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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