do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize