So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
try to milk me bitch
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize