nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
