My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize