you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
My feet surprised me
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