it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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