ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
