I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize