I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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