Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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