In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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