strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
