like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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