eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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