He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
