Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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