had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
