She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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