We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
