She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I think I have vodka in my lungs
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
