Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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