I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
