mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
