So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Is it because I queefed?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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