You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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