My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
