I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
